Time

Thank goodness for alter egos. For most, you probably know that 'Caela' is not my real name, and most of those don't seem to care. :) I like it that way. Gives me more allowance on the internet. I'm able to say anything I want without getting tagged by my work. For instance, I'm planning on selling the house, in Springfield, MO, and moving to good old Scotland for a few months to a year. I know, sounds drastic, but then again, this is me we're talking about. Nothing will seem drastic once I'm done planning it all out. The biggest things holding me back are my father: who will have plenty to say nay about this idea. However, I've decided to simply tell him that I'm 27 years old and he needs to start supporting me rather than anticiapting my failure in my decisions. Of course, I probably will stress about it for a long time before I tell him. But I want to be damned sure before I express the idea to him, less drama that way.

Then there is my puppy. I've become attached to her, so leaving her with my friend in California will be for the best. I hope to get settled and have a job before I can send for her. Though, if I'm only going to be there for a short time, I shouldn't bother and just keep her state side.

And the other is even scarier than the others. Again, I anticipate being viewed as crazy when I say this. I'm worried about leaving the states when I still haven't gotten closure from Alanson. I know. Stupid right? The guy is long gone and moved on. I don't really mind the idea of him with someone else, as long as he's happy, that's not my concern. I just want to keep myself near-ish, in case he decides he wants me, as a friend, again. Being in Missouri and not in California doesn't really matter in my mind for this, because I didn't ever plan to stay in Missouri. Picking up and leaving was alway my plan. Where I would move to, was a whole different problem.

I know there isn't anyone reading this right now, no followers, makes it easier to type all this out. I have a story brewing in the back of my mind, waiting for me to write it out, but it's not quite ready. So, here I am exercising my typing brain power. Yeah...babble. Who knew? Pfft.

So lies my other problem. I've been feeling out for him once again. Over the last 4 years I've received a email every now and then from him. Completly out of the blue. However, whenever I respond, he doesn't. That one email every year or so is all I get. It's been a year and a half now, since I last heard from him. Though I have to admit, in the past, he has responded to my emails but months later, and they are always the same. Still caring, missing, but no time to send more, promising to get back to me soon. It doesn't happen. I wonder if someone is near him, taking care of him. Then I recall his best friend Sam. If anyone can keep his ass straight, it's her. There's comfort in that.

Well, enough meloncholy I guess. Time to get some research done on Scotland.

Planning

So I'm putting on this surprise baby shower for my friend who is visiting for the holidays. Though she has plenty of friends in California, where we grew up, most of her family, and me, are here in Springfield, MO. Yay. Anyways, it's being held at my house and I'm in charge of the cake, balloons and games. I've got the cake and balloons covered, that will be something I'll order on Wednesday this week, they should be ready by Saturday. The games I've already decided on and the prizes have been purchased and packaged. It's the gifts that I haven't finished yet. She drove out, so there is only so much room in the car for gifts. I purchased this awesome little keepsake box that looks like a giant letter block. I've already sanded and painted 3 1/2 sides. If I don't finish this afternoon, I should have it done by tomorrow. Then I have the onesie and t-shirt for her toddler that I'm fixing up. The onesie says "Lil' Sis" and the t-shirt will say "Big sis," each will have a butterfly or lady bug painted on it. They should look cute. I wish I could get her something cooler and better, but, like I said, little room for packing in the car and not enough money in the budget right now. She's already got a lot of stuff from her first baby, so not too much missing.

Then there is the Christmas projects. I got some kits at the local crafting store, which is awesome by the by, and I'm putting together tree ornaments for my friends with their childrens' photos in them. Really I just have to cut out the pics and put them together. Shouldn't take more than an hour, just getting the drive to do it is the hard part.

Yes, I know, people don't really want to read about this sort of stuff, but whatever. Did I mention SURPRISE? I can't exactly discuss it with people, gotta keep it on the down low.

Soon I'll have to take the puppy to the dog park, she's been bored to death all morning. And the weather has warmed up to over 35 degrees, so I won't freeze, even if I'm buddled. Yesterday was hard. Just standing around while your dog runs and plays, keeping warm, can be quite chilly.

The movie Avatar is looking better and better. I saw the previews and stuff on this weeks Bones episode, it's looking like it will be pretty big, like the first Harry Potter big. I hope it doesn't let me down. Again, budget doesn't exactly allow for movies, so it had better be good. I plan to see it this month. Maybe Christmas day. Haven't decided.

Work hasn't been getting any better. I'm dealing better, but the situation hasn't gotten better really. I'm still a one person show sometimes, when it's really a three person job. Stress has become my middle man. I find myself screwing up here and there on simple things and it's mostly because I don't feel like I have time enough to breath and do it right. ::sigh::

Well, off I go. Lots to do.

Again.

Well. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've found that I've lost touch with too many of my friends. Like family, friends are just as important to me and I feel ashamed that I've not kept them as well as I should have.

Always the loner, I have two really great friends, whom I can tell anything to. However, I realize that I shouldn't hold myself back in the friends department simply because I'm shy. I've forever tried to keep the shyness at bay and show courage in being the first to shake hands and introduce myself. Though, there is no doubting the rapid heartbeat and butterfly nerves beneath the surface.

This is my way of sort of branching out in hopes to make new contact with my old friends. I understand that it may seem like I've blown some of you off, when really the story goes much deeper than that. Still, I'd like to offer my appologies.

Over the years I've been without a journal, again, losing touch with friends, and have kept to myself and my small bubble of a life. That is no longer satisfactory in my book.

For some, who find this anyway, I hope this is enough to branch out. I wish few in particular people found this and emailed/called me in response to reach out, but again, I understand why that may not happen. I've prepared myself to keep this blog private and, in its own way, silent.

I hope all, whom know who they are, are well and happy in their lives and with their families.

I'll be writing regularly, again.

Caela~